Tag: asking for help

If You Start Fights Or Argue…

A home in the neighborhood
was broken into.

The owners asked
if anyone had security camera footage
of suspicious people
hanging around
or entering their house.

There was no response.

Because no one wanted
to risk dealing with the owner
of the broken in house.

He has started fights
with almost everyone
in the neighborhood
over the past few years.

And the probability was high
that any help given
would result in another fight.

If every interaction with you
ends in a fight
or
an argument,
don’t expect people
to interact with you.

Ask For One Favor At A Time

A loved one
called today
to ask for favors.
Favors.
Multiple favors.
Six to be exact.

And they weren’t easy favors
to grant.
Each one will take
at least a couple hours
to tackle.

She thought she was being efficient
by saving up the favors
and asking for them
all at once.

Nope.
She was greatly diminishing
the odds ANY of them
will be fulfilled.

I would have put aside time
to do one of the favors.

I don’t have 12 plus hours
to do things for her.

And when I heard her list,
I felt…
taken advantage of,
used,
like an unpaid unappreciated
employee.

It wasn’t a nice feeling.

Ask for one favor
at a time.

When To Stop Asking A Person For Help

I ask a person for help
usually about twice.

If they refuse to help
both times,
I stop asking them.

And I ask someone else.

This might seem like
a no-brainer rule.

Why would you continue
to ask
someone who won’t be helpful
for help?

Yet we do this
ALL the time.

Usually we do it
with loved ones,
with parents
or spouses
or siblings.

And it causes us
heartache.

Stop asking
people who won’t help us
for help.

Focus on the people
who WILL help us.

Assuming They Are The Same

There are two main types
of tomatoes
– determinate
(they stop growing
once they reach
a certain size)
and
indeterminate
(they never stop growing
and never stop
producing tomatoes).

Before this year,
I had only grown
determinant tomatoes.

This year,
the seeds I had harvested
from grocery store tomatoes
all grew into
indeterminant tomatoes.

I assumed the process
for the two
were the same.

I placed tomato cages
around them.
I didn’t prune them.
I waited for
the big harvest week.

The tomatoes
quickly outgrow their cages.
They sprawled everywhere.
They continue to flower
and produce fruit.

I totally f*cked up
growing them.

All that could have been
prevented
if I had simply ASKED
if there were any differences
in growing them.

Don’t assume
a new scenario
will be similar
to a scenario
you’ve already faced.

Ask!

Mass Asking For Favors

I received a gazillion messages a day
from writers
asking me to help promote
their books.

If they don’t mention something
that is specific to me,
if the message is generic,
I ignore it.
And I’m more likely to ignore
their next message.

Seth Godin
shares

“If you ask 100 people
for a favor
to “get the word out,”
then of course
you don’t care so much
if 80 or 90 people decline.
The problem is that
you’ve just hurt the relationship
you had with these people
(as thin as it was)
as well as made it more difficult
for the next person,
the one who actually
put some effort and care
into making a connection.”

There IS a downside
to mass requesting favors.
Think before you do this.

If You Want Support, Give It

A group of writers
have entered the niche
one of my pen names
is well known in.

They reached out to me
to ask if I would help promote
their new releases.

They have never helped promote
my new releases.
They didn’t ask me
to be part of their group.
They didn’t acknowledge
I existed before their ask.

So I ignored them
as they had previously ignored me.

Was that petty?
Sure.
But that was also good business.

The help would have been
one-sided.

How do I know that?
Because if they hadn’t bothered
to press a button
to share one of my social media posts
before the ask,
they definitely wouldn’t do that
after the ask.

My time is better spent
promoting my own stories
and
helping those
who are willing to help others,
including me.

Before asking for support,
consider giving it.
Show you’re willing
to return the favor.