I’m a child of abuse.
My dad was an absolute monster.
He would moderate his behavior greatly
while in public.
He would do his best to hide
the violence.
He held a high level job
(one level below C-suite),
was highly intelligent,
knew how to do this.
But there were always tells.
There were clenching of jaws,
of fists,
stiffening of his body.
And sometimes he would get physically violent
in public.
He always had a socially acceptable excuse
like someone was ridiculing
my Mom
or one of us
and other people would tolerate his behavior.
But that was all it was
– an excuse.
He wanted to hit someone,
anyone.
Assume if someone is physically violent
in public,
they are physically violent
in private
and usually one hundred times worse.
If a person responds
to upsetting words
with physical violence
in public,
assume they ALWAYS respond
to upsetting words
with physical violence
in private.
This applies
to interviews, business meetings,
holiday parties.
My dad would use alcohol a lot
as an excuse to get violent.
It didn’t cause his violence.
It allowed others
to forgive him for being violent.
Know if you tolerate the violence,
it WILL continue
and will eventually escalate.